A “coming of age” time in my life would be my 8th grade retreat. I went to a retreat at St. Stephan’s Church. It was my first overnighter field trip that lasted three days. What made it the most special was that it was my birthday and I was going to spend it with my friends. It felt like I rented a hotel with just my friends and was having one of those cool parities that cool, older people threw.
Since I went to a Catholic School, this retreat was about reaching out to find ourselves in God. To be in a church and experience all these services and activities with getting in touch with God was very life-changing. As we did exercises I could feel him with me. It was so spiritual and touching that every night we would cry. The feeling I was getting was so uplifting & it was like I was renewing myself.
A activity we did was make these bags where other classmates would drop a note in your bag and tell you things like, a secret, a positive note, etc. As I read the notes in my bag, I felt like with every note an even bigger smile was put on my face. The emotions my heart felt was indescribable and irreplaceable. For once, it felt full and more in pieces. Honestly, I felt like I just died and was in heaven.
It really tuned into my classmates and my mind and left us with a feeling of overwhelm. The retreat put questions in our minds such as: “What are you doing with your life? Where do you want to go? What’s your next step?” I remember that they made us do a trust walk where we would hold the shoulders of the person in front of us and follow them as we close our eyes. We put our bodies and our trust on them. The feeling of that trust in someone gives off that power of friendship.
This retreat taught us the reason life was worth living and prepared us for what was after 8th grade; high school. It told us not to forget about God and how much he impacts our lives. Sadly, I did lose touch with God but just recently got requited. I can tell you that the feeling of having God in your life is the best feeling yet. Nothing can compare the love and devotion he can make you feel. He makes your worries go away and leave you with the smile on your face that can last dozens of years but only if you remain loyal to him.
This is the perfect coming of age story because in three days I never knew I could grow up so fast. I aged three ways; through God, through age, & through life-changing thoughts. Especially since it was my birthday I felt reborn and open minded. It was like in those three days, I grew up and found myself. In three days, from 12yrs old - a newly born teenager. It can be done.
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Dear Kelly,
ReplyDeleteThis experience seems as if you really enjoyed yourself. Age is just a number that expresses how many years you have been alive, the feeling you get when you get a year older is more "legit". Your writing explains how you felt at the experience when you got older. It explains very well how you felt it and the experience you had.
WORK! Jk :)
ReplyDeletehahahaha, I love it! Friends play a significant role in your "coming of age". It was really powerful. I can tell that this was a big event to you. It seemed like this experience made you the person you are today & thats a good thing :)
Hi Kellyann,
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like it was, indeed, a life changing experience for you.
What you need to do in your revision is "show" the experience. Include dialogue...what did you and your friends say that moved you to tears? What were some of the notes that made your heart feel full? Describe the sounds and other sensory impressions of the trust walk. Describe specifically how you changed during those three days to "come of age."
Note that your peer commentary talks about how you "explain well." I agree that you clearly explain why the experience was important. What I want you to do, however, is "show" how it was important.
And to Alexis and Niki...if you notice yourself using the word "explain" in your peer commentary, that should alert you to ask for more specific detail from the writer :)
mrs s