Thesis: Females Are Affected in A Bad Way By the Media
“That looks really cute!”, is the kind of response you would get from women and girls when they see the media. The way the media works is to attract the viewers with things that’ll catch their eyes or keep them interested. When woman see a pretty female or an adorable outfit; they want to portray in themselves what they see. It’s a given that everyone has insecurities and when those insecurities get targeted by TV shows, movies, ads, or music; they get hit hard and fall into a deeper depth. The results are negative and can become a long-term affect.
Females can be pressured by the media in two ways. One way is by their physical appearance self-esteem. Woman, young teens, and little girls are inspired by what they see in the Media especially with movies, celebrities, and TV shows. They learn from what they see and bring themselves to grow towards that way. This may be a good thing but it affects mostly in a bad way. As these woman are sitting at home and they see a advertisement for Victoria Secret products; they see the good-looking, small-bodied, perfectly-tanned models and almost immediately they notice their faults and start to hate their appearance. The outer and inner emotions of the media are decreasing an individuals self-confidence and comfort with their own body. This leads to emotional and self-image problems. Young girls compare themselves to the “perfect” faces and bodies. They change themselves and take it to an extreme.
The other way the media pressures females is through relationship status’. The low self-esteem and self-image distortion lead to mental and physical impairments. Also, this could lead to depression. Low self-esteem can make woman accept lower quality partners and let in serious offenses like domestic violence. They have the result of not being able to maintain a long relationship and harm their sexual development. When they are their most vulnerable; their partner may take that as an advantage to themselves. Not being able to keep up a proper relationship status is serious because it affects the way they are viewed by society. They are approached with lower expectations and cheap appearance that make become a benefit to a partner.
As you can see, one advertisement on the media could lead females in the wrong direction. It may bring them to a deep hole that they will find the most difficult to climb out of. Considering their already low self-love, they will have the negative and almost scary thought to life. Health issues start developing; putting their lives at a serious stake. Teens are so affected by what the media incorporates. The message that they send out unknowingly is that teens are not good enough to make it. Media attacks the lowest points of the teenage minds. If this problem keeps up at this rate; society will never make a good impression on the world.
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Kelleh-
ReplyDeleteNice essay! It was simple, I understood it, and it was good! Try to reference some of your resources though. I know had a couple good resources so try adding some of the quotes from them in there :) I liked your intro, it hooked me in and made me laugh cause it was like hearing the truth about girls! hahahaha :) Overall, it was a great rough draft!
Niki
Heyy kelly!! I liked your essay. It was very throrough and it was clear about what your view was about how the media has a bad influence on young women. Although, most of your evidence was great and there were some facts, I agree with Niki reference your sources more and maybe add in some stats.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, overall nicely done :D
Hi Kellyann,
ReplyDeleteMy overall comments are very similar to what I've been telling everyone...specifics, specifics, specifics...research, research, research...evidence, evidence, evidence...
Make your thesis more specific: "The results are negative and can become a long term effect" needs to be more specific. What are the results and what do you mean by "long term effect"? (for example, if the results are a negative self image, then say so; if the long term effects are depression and suicide, then say so). You actually bring these up later in the essay...your thesis should already target them at the very beginning.
Once you get that part clarified, be sure to provide specific support from your research. Right now, there is no real specific evidence for your arguments. As a research paper, that evidence is a critical part of the assignment.
I don't understand the paragraph about relationship status. I think you need to be more direct in your language. This is related to overall word choice: continue to work for clearer word choice. Phrases like "fall to a deeper depth" are repetitious and not very strong. Perhaps it will help to apply some of what we do in broadcast to your English writing work. Don't try to make it sound "academic" or intellectual...write directly, using the clearest word, rather than the longest. It will strengthen your writing.
Let me know if you have questions..
As in my comments on other critiques, your teammates, Angela and Niki, make some helpful comments but don't do nearly enough for a thorough peer commentary on your essay.
mrs s