December 2, 2009
Forever 21 Stores
98-1005 Moanalua Rd.
Aiea, Hawaii 96701
Dear Forever 21 Stores,
My family, friends, and I have been valuable and loyal customers to your store for quite awhile. Its been really great because you keep prices reasonable, your stores are attracting, and I always feel welcomed as I enter your store.
However, there has been a problem that has been a bother about your return policy. It states, “Exchange or store credit is allowed within 21 days of purchase with original receipt and tags attached…” Just recently I’ve had a problem with this policy. I bought a dress that I thought was perfect for an occasion until I saw a greater one at another store. So I decided to return this dress that I bought at your store but not because anything was wrong with it. When I came to the counter with my mom we were deeply disappointed that we couldn’t get a refund for the dress. We could only get store credit. In this tough economic time we didn’t want to spend extra money when we could get that money back.
Although, the worker was very polite about our situation and was sorry that she couldn’t do anything to help us. We appreciate that she was very apologetic and we understand that she was just doing her job.
I think you should try to fix this problem by giving a time period in which we could return our items for cash back.
Thank you for your cooperation. I will still continue to shop at your stores.
Sincerely,
Kellyann Barsatan
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I liked how you explained the situation in lots of detail. Stating how went up to the counter to go and return the dress but couldn't get you money back, and how dissapointed you were. I also liked how you added in the part on how were in tough economic times and that you didn't want to spend extra money. I think that would really make it seem relatable for the people at Forever21 and it will make them understand how you feel better. I also liked how you organized your essay. It was great that you started off with something positive and then moved into more neggative things.
ReplyDeleteBut I think that you need to add in the specific date when this happened. Also I suggest you add in more suggestions to fix this problem instead of just one. For example maybe you can suggest that they do cash backs instead of store credits. Also, maybe you don't need to build up the store worker too much. They may think that they really don't need to do much.
Dear Kelly,
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say, I am soo glad someone decided to write a letter about this! I never did like that policy either.
Anyway....
The introduction was very well written. I could tell you were really trying to be sincere. I also like that you mentioned family and friends because this letter speaks for not just you but a bunch of people. Transition was pretty smooth. Try re-wording you first sentence like "However, I was concerned about something dealing your return policy..." or something like that you know? But that was just minor. Just a suggestion...he he :) I understand the idea of your overall letter. Just a little minor fixing here and there. I think maybe the wording of certain sentences can be changed to make more of an impact on the reader. I guess you can say that falls under sentence fluencey. The economy part was one of the more powerful statements in the letter. I was thinking maybe you should expand more on that? Like make it seem that if they did change their policy how is it that it can make a big difference?
I agree with Angela about more specifics. A date and the return policy is like a "big thing" that might need change so lots of suggestions would really help them :)
Good job! I hope that you get a response and they do change it based on your letter cause that would be AMAZING! Hahahaha!
Niki
Hi Kellyann,
ReplyDeleteGood idea for an angry letter. Store exchange policies are not always ones that we agree with and, like Niki says, if you can get them to change it, it would be great.
Both your teammates have given you excellent suggestions for improvement and I agree that those would strengthen your letter.
I would also suggest that you mention other stores that do honor "cash back with receipt" policies. Besides showing them that others allow this, it would also show that they have competition and they may lose out to stores with better return policies.
And I also agree with your teammates about the reference to the economy. On the one hand, the store would rather not give cash back because of the economy, but at the same time, if they make it harder on customers they may lose valued business.
Thus, too, I would not include the sentence about your still shopping at their store. You needn't say that you'll leave, but make 'em worry a bit ;>
mrs s